Are you struggling to understand your loved one’s recovery process? For family members and partners of those in recovery, it can be challenging to know what the journey looks like and how to support your loved one effectively. Many people in recovery find it difficult to feel good about themselves, especially when dealing with setbacks. In my work as a therapist who treats individuals who misuse substances and their family members, I’ve gathered some insights that I believe can help you navigate these challenges alongside your loved one.
Rethinking Terminology
The language we use around substance use can significantly impact how individuals experience their recovery. Terms like “clean,” “relapse,” and “addict” often carry heavy, stigmatizing implications that can make recovery feel even more daunting.
For instance, labeling someone as “clean” can imply that those who use substances are “dirty,” which oversimplifies their complex struggles. Instead, I encourage using terms like “substance-free” or “not using.” This shift respects the dignity of your loved one and acknowledges the nuances of their journey.
When it comes to “relapse,” many people may feel like they’ve failed if they return to substance use. However, it’s essential to understand that recovery is a non-linear process. This can be likened to journeying to the summit of a challenging mountain. As you ascend, you may encounter steep cliffs, rocky paths, and unexpected weather changes. Sometimes, you might slip and have to backtrack a bit, but that doesn’t mean you’ve lost your overall goal of reaching the top. Instead, you learn from each setback—adjusting your route, regaining your footing, and gaining strength with each step.
Just like climbing, recovery is rarely a straight path; it involves ups and downs, and each experience contributes to your overall growth and resilience. Progress may not always be visible, but every effort counts toward reaching your destination. Setbacks can occur, but they don’t mean your loved one isn’t making progress. It’s about continuous improvement and finding healthier ways to manage life.
The Importance of Connection and Empathy
Connection and empathy are vital in supporting someone in recovery. Inspired by the work of authors like Johann Hari, I’ve seen how social isolation can fuel addiction. Many individuals struggle with feelings of loneliness and disconnection, which often underlie their substance use.
As a friend or family member, you can foster a sense of belonging and support. Building a warm, empathetic environment where your loved one feels seen and understood can be transformative. This connection helps them realize they are not alone in their struggles, and it encourages them to explore the emotional needs that contribute to their substance use.
Progress Not Perfection
Through my experiences with clients, I’ve come to recognize the complexity of each individual’s journey.
Just like an athlete training for an Olympic gold medal, not every competition will end in victory. Families can play a vital role by focusing on stress reduction and understanding the role of “self-medicating” in substance use. Creating an environment that encourages healthy coping mechanisms, such as engaging in stress management practices together, can significantly improve family dynamics and support recovery. Simple strategies like taking time-outs and fostering open communication can make a big difference.
Additionally, it’s crucial to understand that the process of making substantial changes can be challenging and require a good deal of patience. Instead of constantly monitoring progress or asking, “Are we there yet?” or “I thought we moved past this!” family members can benefit from investing in their own personal growth. This shift not only alleviates pressure on the recovering person but also models positive behavior for the person in recovery. Growth for family members can include learning new coping strategies, enhancing emotional resilience, and fostering a supportive atmosphere. It also allows family members to heal from their own wounds and process the experience of loving someone who is struggling with substance misuse.
Ultimately, every step toward improvement—whether big or small—should be celebrated. Recognizing and appreciating each milestone along the path to recovery can inspire individuals to keep moving forward, no matter how gradual the progress may seem.
The Learned Behavior of Using
My understanding of addiction has evolved as well, to understanding how many learned behaviors must be unlearned and replaced to support a healthy recovery. When we consider all the purposes that excessive use has served for the person and how much of their misuse is influenced by psychological and social factors, we begin to understand just how challenging and broad-reaching the process of recovery must be. This understanding allows us to approach recovery more holistically. By framing addiction more broadly, we can help your loved one recognize that change is multi-faceted.
If I asked you to pause your reading and think of anything—but not a pink elephant—what came to mind? Chances are, it was a pink elephant. Similarly with recovery, if we ask our loved ones to focus solely on not using alcohol, it will be all that consumes their mind. While abstinence is essential, it’s equally important to fill their time with new activities, connections, and pursuits that naturally divert attention from cravings. Recovery involves developing new coping strategies and healthier behaviors, rather than just concentrating on the absence of substance use. This shift fosters a more empowering narrative around recovery, allowing individuals to replace substance use with fulfilling habits that enrich their lives.
Conclusion
Navigating the complexities of substance use and recovery can be challenging for both individuals and their loved ones. By rethinking our language, prioritizing empathy, and being gracious with setbacks, you can provide essential support to your loved one. Together, you can work toward understanding and addressing substance use in a way that honors their unique journey. Remember, you’re not alone in this; your support is invaluable in their path to recovery.
Finding Support in Your Own Recovery Journey
Feeling stressed, confused or overwhelmed during a loved one’s recovery can be incredibly isolating, especially when your loved ones are also facing their own challenges and can’t fully support you. At TBCRP, we understand how overwhelming this journey can be for family members and loved ones as well as for the recovering person and we are dedicated to providing the compassionate support you need.
You don’t have to navigate this alone. As a caring and experienced provider, I’m here to help you find your way through these complexities. I can offer personalized guidance or connect you with valuable resources tailored to your unique situation. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me, Dr. Sarah Boutros, at 813-575-4547. Together, we can explore effective strategies and foster a supportive environment for you and your loved ones on this important journey.
